Yesterday i made a decision to break off with Gerald...reason for break off is cause our characters are really incompatible...many may think i m selfish...but friends around me..they know...when i with friends without him around and with him around...my mood is different...and sharon think i have been wearing a mask..ya...i was happy with gerald but its a diff kind of happiness...not the bubbly kind of serene you all have seen...both of us cried but i know i have to be firm in this decision...cause i was not firm the 1st time we break off...thats y lead to all these...i really hope he can move on...jia you in finding a job...and may u find a suitable partner :) though i am single again..but i felt more qing song...this period of time will be tough for me...but i know my friends and God will be there for me...



wow..have been so busy the past few days...monday ot will 7.30...tue had meeting till 7pm...went with clara to Taka to buy her spects..then she treated me to Imperial...nice food...thanks for the treat...have been so busy that really not 1 min i can stop to chit chat accept for lunch time...monday and tuesday was quite fed up with my colleague,Alinna...i was appointed as the leader to lead the D&D2008 sponsorship Committee...Joanne and Alinna are in the team...then our dateline to get the supplier list up was on monday but Alinna and Joanne have not finish at 5.30...Joanne stayed behind to finish the list but what Alinna say really make me pissed...she say she cannot possible stay behind to do these things cause her eyes tired and she have been facing the computer the whole day...she say that in front of her manager, Clara who was the chairperson for the D&D2008...after Alinna left...i was quite angry...who is not tired...whose eyes are not tired...who does not face the computer the whole day...i mean she know the deadline is on mon..tuesday clara is going to check the database..she haven finish how can she go back..

on tuesday she still could not finish...clara called for an urgent meeting at 11.45...for just a short one bout 15 mins...in the meeting clara did say we need to discuss and tell her what time the database be finalise and some other details...then clara say end of meeting and she walk out..i told Alinna and Joanne to stay for a while cause i have some things to tell them...Alinna's reply it is already 12..lunch time...my face immediately turned black...she was the one who could not finish her things and thus the urgent meeting...think she saw i was unhappy she sat down and ask how long i would take..i just say 1min...then i say can we get the database up by 2pm...her reply was u want me finish by 2 but u still holding me here..dun let me quickly go take lunch...so ok...i say we go for lunch..after her lunch...she also din do anything...she wait till 1pm then she on the computer...then y say that in the 1st place i dun let her go lunch...the amazing part was after work...when me,clara,louis and joanne were leaving the office...clara told me she heard Alinna saying the its 12..lunch time..i was so glad she heard...then i ask thought she left the room...clara say she was outside...and if we went out after her...she will push us into the conference room cause we should be discussing...thats y she heard what Alinna say...oh God...please give me the patient and the tolerance i need towards Alinna...

Yesterday i went with sharon to Asiaworks...a self development course she took and yesterday was the guest event...we play some games and some activities...hmmm...eventually we have a time to share...i was sharing her with some things i faced in life...bout gerald and i cried out...she was there to comfort me...it was quality time spent with my "mummy"...cause sharon take care of me alot...also dunno since when i started calling her mummy...haha...



Saturday morning i just could not wake up...gave morning call to my colleague and both of us just felt tired...decide to slp another hr and take cab together...haha...then we pass by BK and bought breakfast..in the end we reach office at 8.31am...sad sad...late for 1 min...haha...though wun deduct pay but does not reflect good...had a busy day at work on sat...i was jus doing my things...suddenly the HR manage told mer 11.30am le..i shocked...still got a lot things to do but another hr i knock off le...haha...1st time on sat so busy de...after work...4 of us from our office left last...got on the transport and we reach Boon Lay interchange at 12.50...quickly took train and reach clementi at 1pm...cg starts at 1...took a cab to Minghui's place and had a good cg...the songs that day we sang...was really what i desire and want...these are the songs...I SURRENDER ALL and HEART OF WORSHIP....every word i sing...are the words from my heart...esp

I SURRENDER ALL
THANK YOU FOR THE CROSS THAT YOU HAVE PAID
FOR ALL MY SINS YOU'VE SACRIFICED YOURSELF
I AM NOTHING LORD WITHOUT YOUR GRACE
YOU WERE THERE TO LIFT ME WHEN I FAILED

AS I LIFT MY HANDS
POUR YOUR MERCY O GOD
I'M LONGING FOR YOUR PRESENCE NOW
AS I LIFT MY HANDS
POUR YOUR MERCY O GOD
I'M LONGING FOR YOUR PRESENCE NOW

I SURRENDER ALL
AND I WILL FOLLOW YOU
I SURRENDER ALL
AND BRING MY LIFE TO YOU
I SURRENDER ALL
AND LIVE MY LIFE FOR YOU
I SURRENDER ALL, I SURRENDER ALL
(TO YOU JESUS)



HEART OF WORSHIP
WHEN THE MUSIC FADES
ALL IS STRIPPED AWAY
AND I SIMPLY COME

LONGING JUST TO BRING
SOMETHING THAT'S OF WORTH
THAT WILL BLESS YOUR HEART

I'LL BRING YOU MORE THAN A SONG
FOR A SONG IN ITSELF
IS NOT WHAT YOU HAVE REQUIRED

YOU SEARCH MUCH DEEPER WITHIN
THROUGH THE WAY THINGS APPEAR
YOU'RE LOOKING INTO MY HEART

I'M COMING BACK TO THE HEART OF WORSHIP
AND IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU
IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU JESUS
I'M SORRY LORD FOR THE THING I'VE MADE IT
WHEN IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU
IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU JESUS

KING OF ENDLESS WORTH
NO ONE COULD EXPRESS
HOW MUCH YOU DESERVE
AND THROUGH ALL THESE YEARS
ALL I HAVE IS YOURS
EVERY SINGLE BREATH

I am glad i went for cg...went for fellowship then back to Gerald's place...meeting clara to go svc together on sun...she gave me a morning call yesterday...reach church at 9.30...saw the SOT Graduates...wow...its been a yr since i graduated...remember the times i spend in SOT...really really missed Maggie,Amy,Chiu Chin,Wei Lu and Ailyn...they are the ones i m closer to not forgetting my two twins-Siying and Bernice...haha...miss the times in SOT...Chionging for assignments and studying overnight for exams..though i slept late and wake up early...i never felt tired...happy for KAILIN,JEAN and EUNICE who graduated...hey gals...CONGRATS..yesterday during svc...when Pst alex pray for Pst KonG...tears jus kept flowing down my eyes...the presence of God which i longed for so long...i felt it yesterday...thank God I persevere on...Thank you JESUS...Even when i went back..this song kept ringing in my mind...especially the chinese

MERCIES THAT RISE WITH THE NEW MORN 我从来不曾怀疑过
SET ME A PART AS A NEW BORN 到底你有多么爱我
EACH MOMENT I LIVE BY FAITH I BELIEVE 我生命里的每一分钟
WITH YOU I'M NEVER ALONE 都有你看顾着我

DARKNESS MAY COME, TRIALS SEEM SO LONG 有的时候黑暗临到
YOU ARE THE LIGHT I DEPEND ON 有的时候巨浪狂风
THROUGH VALLEYS AND STORMS 我心依然满有平安
YOUR WORD KEEPS ME STRONG 因为有你看顾我
MY SHELTER,REFUGE AND SONG 我的主
I TRUST IN YOU

EVERYDAY I LIVE 不管前面道路有多困苦
I KNOW YOU ARE MY GOD 耶稣你永远是我的帮助
I LIFT MY FACE AND LOOK TO YOU MY LORD 只要有你在我生命中
EVEN WHEN THE MOUNTAINS TREMBLE 永远看顾
AND THOUSAND FALL 我必能一路永跟随
I WILL STAND WITH YOU 我的主
MY JESUS
TAKE MY ALL

So glad i make it to the last day of the prayer meeting of these 2 weeks...was so tired and was telling Minghui i dun feel like going today...but today once again drag myself out of bed...force myself out of the house...but the amazing thing is once i reach church, i dun feel so tired...I prayed for a lot of things...prayed for strength in workplace...pray for favor with colleagues....pray for encouragement in workplace...pray for Gerald's salvation...pray for Gerald to be able to find a suitable job...pray that God will guide me in the coming months to come...to be able to handle church and personal life...be able to balance...pray for God's presence to return..pray for Holy Spirit to come back...God say ask in His name and we will receive..all these I asked in His name today...Today we sang the song you alone for worship...

YOU ARE THE PEACE
THAT GUARDS MY HEART
MY HELP IN TIMES OF NEEDS

YOU ARE THE HOPE
THAT LEADS ME ON
AND BRINGS ME TO MY KNEES

FOR THERE I FIND YOU WAITING
AND THERE I FIND RELEASE
SO WITH ALL MY HEART I'LL WORSHIP
AND UNTO YOU I SING

FOR YOU ALONE DESERVE ALL GLORY
FOR YOU ALONE DESERVE ALL PRAISE
FATHER WE WORSHIP AND ADORE YOU
FATHER WE LONG TO SEE YOUR FACE
FOR YOU ALONE DESERVE ALL GLORY
FOR YOU ALONE DESERVE ALL PRAISE
FATHER WE LOVE YOU
AND WE WORSHIP YOU THIS DAY

Yes...God is the peace that will guard my heart and He is my help in times of needs..He is the hope that wll lead me on...Yes God I long to see your face..though I still cannot sense His presence but I will hold on...will persevere...today's cab's fare is the lowest among this 4 days...i believe even if i took cab these few days...God will still bring finances to me..like ytd i met gwen and Eleanor for dinner...Gwen paid for my dinner...we ate at BK...she say somehting that really touched my heart...and i believe that plays a part that now i really decide to commit to come back..she told me she fast for 3 full days and she is fastingand praying for cell group and for me...i was very touched...i believe now that i am back...is not just myself making the decision...but its through the prayer and fasting of my friends...through Minghui who never gave up calling and asking me for cg and svc every week..last fri i could have gone down for the zone meeting but i did not cause i was too tired...minghui told me everytime i tell her i cannot go for cg or svc..she is not angry but upset...and i can really hear that through her voice...is cause of that conversation i decide to go for svc on sat...else i might have back out again...and cause i turn up for sat svc...then i realise i still love God so much just that i choose to deny my own feelings these 2 months...it was hard for me to come back...previously a connect Group Leader and now have to submit to another connect group leader...the pride i need to put down...and if i go back to usher ministry...the possibilty to start all over again...ya...to me..now position does not matter...i jus want to find back the 1st love..the 1st love i have for God that no matter how my dad stop me..i still find ways to go to church...the love i have for God that i went ahead for water baptism and even completing SOT...the love that carried me through all the difficult...

I still have the dream of being a connect group leader and even a cell group leader...but i know...given my situation now...i cannot be one...cause of being in an unequally-yoked relationship..what should i do? there are 3 choices..one is continue pray for his salvation but not just that...besides being getting saved..he must be a real disciple...second is I give up this relationship with him..third is I give up my dream of bring a cell group leader...God...please guide me throught this period of time...

today when i went into the office... i was the first one to reach...hee..then i begin to check my email...wow...just one haof day off..got so many emails to check...and one of them is a memo of appreciation from my manager...he also cc to the directors and to HR future for future appraisal reference...It was really a long email(3 long paragraghs and 3 shorts ones) which touched my heart...being appreciated by my manager...and it really was an encouragement to see that email early in the morning...thank God for for using me and letting me shine in the marketplace...this is one of the paragraph(I have realised that you have put in efforts too which are beyond your scope, in showing your helping hands to your surrounding colleagues, whenever they need you. This is especially for colleagues who are deficient in English language. Again, you appear to be an important role to them and I do trust that you are wholly appreciated by them. You are strong, optimistic and good morale booster.) I believe these attributes that i have..is being develop over the years in church :) I grew up in church...from a secondary sch student to a poly student and to one working in the society...






So tired today...went for the Professional Enterprise Certification Dinner yesterday with my manager on the behalf of our directors as they are overseas...we felt so small there...the people who attend this official ceremony are all CEOs, COOs, Presidents, VPs, Managing Directors, Group Managers. My manager's title is only Asst Manager and mine is office administrator...got to know one of the group manager from Qian Hu and the Managing director from Zoo Phonics...It was a stressful dinner...haha...the dinner ended at 11 and i reach home at 11.30...slept bout 1am cause need wait hair to dry...woke up at 5.30 this morning...feeling tired...drag myself out of bed and prepare to go church...but today reach church at 7.15am...the 242 bus ride took me 25 mins from boon lay to church...cause of the jam...but now i feel more refreshed...thank God for giving me the strength...yeah..today half day










Slept very early last night cause this morning going for the church morning prayer...Woke up after receiving morning call from Minghui...thanks for the call...force myself to get out of bed and wash up...had a light breakfast and went to church..saw Jean and Bernice on the bus...reach church exactly at 7am...haha...spent time with God...prayed for Eleanor for her exam today and also Gwen for her O level oral..Prayed bout personal life too, to a point I cried...dunno is the presence of God which i miss or cause of the things i going through..At about 7.45am, we begin to worship God, I cried as i worship...every word was really from my heart, yes, though i sang the song before, but have never been so impactful as today...The song is deeper in Love

DEEPER IN LOVE
THERE IS A LONGING ONLY YOU CAN FILL
A RAGING TEMPEST ONLY YOU CAN STILL
MY SOUL IS THIRSTY LORD
TO KNOW YOU AS I'M KNOWN
DRINK FROM THE RIVER
THAT FLOWS BEFORE YOUR THRONE

TAKE ME DEEPER
DEEPER IN LOVE WITH YOU
JESUS HOLD ME CLOSE IN YOUR EMBRACE
TAKE ME DEEPER
DEEPER THAN I'VE EVER BEEN BEFORE
I JUST WANT TO LOVE YOU MORE AND MORE
HOW I LONG TO BE DEEPER IN LOVE

SUNRISE TO SUNRISE
I WILL SEEK YOUR FACE
DRAWN BY THE SPIRIT
TO THE PROMISE OF YOUR GRACE
MY HEART HAS FOUND IN YOU
A HOPE THAT WILL ABIDE
HERE IN YOUR PRESENCE FOREVER SATISFIED

I was crying when worshipping...I told God yes...Take me deeper in love with you...I wan to love you more and more...I miss you, Father God..i miss your presence...
The prayer meetin ended at 8...wow..church provided breakfast which i did not know...my colleague bought me breakfast le so that become my lunch...haha...took cab but not easy to get a cab...got on the cab at 8.15...the driver dunno where is Gul Circle...in the end waste a lot time...hai...so sad...was late for work...actually was angry...thinking God i make time for you, I came to spend time with you and in the end i late for work...i begin to blame God and begin to wonder if I wan to go again tml...but when i scan my card at my office, it was exactly 8.45am...thank God my company give us 15 mins grace...i start work at 8.30...but as long as we reach by 8.45am..pay will not be deducted...I look at the whole situation at another view...yes, i was late for work but the amazing part is God let me reach in time that my pay was not deducted...if i had reached at 8.46, 16 mins of pay would be deducted...it maybe just a few seconds to 8.46am...but i manage to scan my card exactly at 8.45...at that time i know i was wrong..so many times when things go wrong, we just blame God..but our God is a good God, just need to see things in another point of view..things may not be that bad...though i wake up earlier today...but not once i yawn in my workplace...not once i feel tired but i feel energetic, i feel i have more strength to do my things..and my flu was gone...last night and this morning i was still having bad flu...blocked nose...but now i recovered:) thanks Minghui for praying for me...tml i still going for the prayer meeting...i will go everyday...till friday...cause i never know what surprises my Father in Heaven will give me...I long to hear Him speak...Hear Him say He loves me...I am going to press on...I believe both my cell group leader and connect group leader will be there for me...not forgetting my cg members and usher friends...thanks for not giving up on me...esp to Minghui, Gwen, Wanyun, Peixiong, Eunice, Wendy...u guys never fail to call me or msg me since i left...u guys are always there...I know all others care too and prayed for me too..thanks everyone...not fogetting God who did not give up on me...just that i feel He is playing Hide-n-seek with me now...i dun seem to be able to find Him...but i wun give up...



wednesday going for a dinner with my manager...representing the company in getting the cert of professional enterprise as my directors are overseas...the dinner is at expo...starts at 7.30pm..so my manager just told me this morning there is a compulsory 1/2 day off-in-lieu for me on thursday..1st time heard off-in-lieu got compulsory de...haha...i took the afernoon off...but dunno where to go...haha...cannot go home rest cause of some reasons...hmm...sianz...1st time hear pple off also not happy...haha...cause nowhere to go



Am very very upset and angry...why are there such people on earth...today one of the directors told my colleague that there is no water supply from 1-3...and ask her inform everyone in the office...then she come to me say need email everyone tell them no water supply today...then i draft out the email le...let my manager go through...then he ask who ask me do de...i say the director told my colleague...then my manager flare up..he say why she ask me sent...that colleague came over and say no i din ask her sent..i only told her the director say no water...ask me whether want sent email or inform everyone by mouth...i was so angry at that moment...i heard clearly that she ask me sent email de...ARRGH...this is the 2nd time similar issue happen...next time we talk...i going record everything down...

Today is my director's birthday...have planned for her birthday since last week...ordering the cake and the flowers...was planning to get for her choclocates from Chocz but her son unable to get..so we gave her a $50 charles & Keith voucher instead...my manager went to get the balloons yesterday...this morning..those who chip in for the present..early in the morning in office we were blowing the balloons and writing our names on the balloons..then we tie all the balloons together..we put the voucher inside one of the balloons...and we tie all the balloons together and attached them to the door of my director's office...when she reach the office, the guard informed us and we were still tying the balloons..panic sia...we quickly do everything and went back to our seats and act normal...she came in and greet good morning..no one respond then she got a shock when she saw the balloons..yeah...success...haha

then her flowers came at 11 plus but she was in a meeting so we placed the flowers on her desk...around 12 she went back to her room and saw the flowers...not much reaction...she just say we very po fei...haha...hmmm...then she ask this is who give de..i say same as morning..this is part 2...haha...

we had the cake after our lunch...got wilson to get her mum to go in her room to talk while i quickly take the cake out...then suddenly our director say meeting with another director so the rest prepare the cake...after the meeting...i ask my director to go out and her husband to join us...she was very happy...haha...we bought cake from swesens then got the smoke from the dry ice de...haha...very nice...then i got to rush for another meeting....one more surprise to go..her birthday card...haha...but a bit upset...not say i stingy ot anything...but the cake we bought...a bit small...and only the 16 of us share...dun say the operation people cause we din ask...but the others in marketing and admin,accounts and hr...we asked...only the 16 of us share...so resonably the cake 16 of us share...then some people start asking why we din give this person why din give that person...initially when we getting people to share...some of them dun wan...in the end, my manager,the HR manager and myself fork out $7 more each...aiya..dunno these people...the card was beautifully done by sharon...

So happy over the weekends...had the most enjoyable National Day Weekend ever...

08/08/08
took leave on that day...slept at dar's house till bout 8 plus then eat breakfast...cannot sleep after eating so watch dvd...ard 10 plus...sleep again till 12 plus...then wake up for lunch...breakfast and lunch was maggie mee...hee...y i so happy is cause I have plan a "holiday" for my colleagues and the siblings of one of them and with dar...hmmm...I plan to bring them walk around cause we singaporeans of course every week go walk walk...but the malaysians seldom have the chance so we booked a hotel room...i checked into the hotel at 3pm...and watch tv and rest till Joanne, Sharon and Gerald knock off...they reach kallang station at bout 7.15pm and the 4 of us bought hokkien mee to share cause we eating with our weesin and peiyee after they reach singapore..they are coming out of JB...they reach bout 9...we had canadian pizza for dinner..we watch the television-olympics...haha...we slept ard 12 plus...

09/08/08
we woke up at bout 10 plus and head towards chinatown for breakfast...we had porridge...i had frog leg porridge...then we walk ard in chinatown before heading towards Vivo and wee sin and sharon went temple in bugis to pray and go pick up wee bing...I brought Gerald, pei yee and Joanne to candy empire and also the last level and we just took off our shoes and walk in the shallow water there...then we went daiso and also mini toons...we met up the sharon and the rest at the steamboat place behind our hotel...we ate tons of food...haha...sharon ate the most...i wave my white flag...haha..then we went back hotel to rest and put our things before heading down to city hall to watch fireworks...felt cheated...haha...we watch the fireworks for bout 2 mins then stopped..i was saying that time new year eve was 5 mins..after waiting for a while, we decide to walk off with the crowd...when we appraoching the road between marina square and city link, we heard fireworks and we quickly ran out to the road to watch...then we thought it really ended and we walk off then suddenly we heard again...then we ran out again...haha...3 times in pause...so felt a bit cheated...hee..should have just stayed there...then we went bugis to shop...shop till bout 10 we went back to hotel...was so tired...whole day out...watch the television again and slept at 12 plus again...yawnz...

10/08/08
woke up quite late and checked out...need pay extra $$ cause they realise got extra people..the room actually only for 3...then we had subway for breakfast cum lunch at Singpost...then I bring them go eat smelly beancurd...wee sin drove us back and i went dar's house and did the costing...wah...7 of us spent 600+ for food, transport and hotel...watch disc till 2am before sleeping...going to miss Wee Sin, Wee Bing and Peiyee...at least i still can go JB find wee sin and wee bing..for for peiyee...she stay lapis...so dunno when is the next time i will see her...



I HATE THIS JOB...ALWAYS STUCK IN BETWEEN MY COLLEAGUES AND DIRECTORS...what happen is we use Walkie Talkie in workplace..this particular colleague call Joanne told me her walkie talkie always automatic off...then i feedback to my director le...my director say ask her charge properly and stuff like that...then jus now she charge her walkie talkie at another's colleague desk..her name is emily...then joanne's walkie talkie auto off again...then emily say tell her lor...i din hear properly so i ask what thing...then they say nothing...then emily say something like tell her also no use de...so i know they talking about the walkie talkie...then i kind of shouted back say i feedback already is they no action...then i told joanne to feedback to director herself...ARRGH....I HATE ALL THESE...JUST BECAUSE I ADMIN SIDE...I HAVE TO MAKE SURE EVERYTHING IS ALRIGHT...OF CAUSE IT IS MY JOB...BUT WHEN THINGS GO WRONG...EVERYONE JUST PUSH THE BLAME TO U...I DUN LIKE IT

"You are the light of the world. let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."
Matthew 5:14,16

Serene
God's beloved child
18th November 1985
Admin Executive

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