I will be a Light unto the world. <body>
Song of Solomon Churchwide BS was simply great!
Saturday, May 30, 2009

Yesterday went for churchwide bs at expo. Slept all the way in the train as dun have enough rest the night before. Had conference call with Clara and Peilin till 3 plus, but by 2 plus I already ko, most of the time is they talk, I half asleep half listening to them talk. Haha.

Ytd bs was great, Pst mentioned that the Shulamite woman was dry in her walk with God and how God strengthen her and how she walk with the anointing of God and the presence followed her and she impacted others. At the end of the bs, pst shared a song which he wrote and as he read out the lyrics, the presence of God was so strong that tears flow down my cheeks, after that we sang the song and I just kep crying in the presence of God. It was a great time.

God, forgive me for the times that I have the thought of giving up, forgive me the times when I was so selfish and I put my needs above You. God, thanks for sending friends and all types of resources helping me in times like this when I am at my down period. God, I dun want to just give up and leave like how I did in the past, Holy Spirit, please fight this battle together with me. God, I want to put you first above all things in my life, God, I dun wan to live on other people’s revelation, I pray you give me fresh revelation. God, help me out of this whole battle. God, I want to love you more each day.



Friday, May 29, 2009

But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a broom tree. And he prayed that he might die, and said, “It is enough! Now, LORD, take my life, for I am no better than my fathers!” 1 Kings 19:4

In 1 Kings 19, we see a downside in prophet Elijah’s personality-he was prone to depression. Some scholars have even gone so far as to say that Elijah probably struggled with bipolar disorder. His mood-swings could be so extreme that right after the euphoric victory over the false prophets of Baal at Mount Carmel, he plummeted down into having suicida tendencies. When he heard that Queen Jezebel wanted him dead, he became so depressed that he wanted to end his life (19:1-4). According to a recent American NIMH survey, up to 18 percent of the US population suffer from depression. More than 2 million, or one percent, struggle with bipolar disorder.

What was God’s remedy to Elijah? He got him to eat a cake baked by an angel. He then got him to drink, and then sleep (19:6-8). The cake speaks of the Word of God. In the treatment of depression, psychiatrists often talk about “reprogramming” or “re-framing” your thinking pattern. Really, there is no better tool for renewing one’s mind than God’s Word. As your thinking changes, your entire life will be turned around (Rom. 12:2).

The angel got Elijah to drink a jar of water. This speaks of the Holy Spirit. Jesus says, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to Me and drink the Holy Spirit. Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water” (John 7:37-39). The Holy Spirit is always a tremendous lifter of a depressive mood.
The Lord then wanted Elijah to sleep. Proper management of your physical body is very important in dealing with depression. Elijah had worked very hard. He now needed some rest.
Next, Elijah met the Lord at Horeb, the mountain of God (1 Kin. 19:8). An encounter with God will heal any wounded, confused heart. God encouraged him, “Elijah, you are not alone, there are 7,000 good men like you in the land. And you are making a big difference” (19:18). In the presence of God, there is always love and encouragement to lift up a troubled soul.

Finally, God gave Elijah a new mission. God wanted Elijah to go and anoint a new king-Jehu the son of Nimshi. Also, God wanted Elijah to make a disciple out of Elisha (19:16-17). If you are feeling down, get a fresh vision from the Lord. Get up and do something productive. With God’s Word, the Holy Spirit, proper rest, a spiritual encounter with God, and a fresh vision for the kingdom, Elijah was lifted out of his depression. The same can happen to you.

God is so amazing, this is the word in season for me in my life. God is good.



Thursday, May 28, 2009

i just wanna scream out lout...cry out loud...who can accompany to a beach?haiz...God..deal with all these emotions of mine..heal my heart..



Touched!
Friday, May 22, 2009

have been too busy to blog cause so busy at work..but just something that really touched..ytd i sprained my ankle when i miss din see a small curb on the pavement..then i fell..at first i thought it was nothing..it hurts at that moment but after that i was alright..this morning at 3am, i went to the toilet to find my leg very pain when i walk..this morning wake up, its a bit swollen..then walk with pain...but now its worse, i move my feet a bit only..its pain..valerie say she maybe can accompany me to the doc...haha...my cg in bishan and i plan to see sinseh there...she willing to travel...but everything not confirm but i thank God for a friend...cause i quite scared...last time i see sinseh i not scared...but i think today my leg really hurts and i have fear going to the sinseh...i really hope someone can accompany me..then i msg joanne to say i might be late for cg tonight as i plan to see a sinseh...i think she msg my member to acc me...Sze Wing msg where and wat time i going see sinseh..she accompany me..i din even tell her i injured my leg..so i guessed it must be Joanne...so sweet of her...thanks Joanne for you love, care & concern...Sze Wing..thanks for accompanying me..thank God for a friend to accompany me...



Upset!!
Thursday, May 14, 2009

since the last week of April, have been hanging out with valerie quite a while...its been really some time since we last went out or even met so often...we met with almost every other day...

we always to tot he coffeeshop near her place to drink and have lunch/dinner..have spent quite a sum on cab fare and not having enough sleep..still remember that night when she had her bbq, i only slept for 2 hrs then have to go church...was really tired...

yesterday she told me that i was always too busy and never have the time to meet her out until this 3 weeks, then we begin to meet often...the way she say it...i hear le i very upset...after i reach home...i called perrine and i cried...hope i din scare the gal...hee...ya...what she say is true that i have always been too busy...but for the past 1 month, a lot have happen and i really want to treasure the friends ard me and spent time with them...i always after work then go home and sleep at 8 plus...cause i always feel tired at work so need enough rest...but these few weeks, i have been sleeping at 1 or 2am...which is really hard for me, cause once i dun have enough rest, i will fall sick and i never like to take mc cause i cannot rest at home...not blaming anyone here, but i felt i have try to make an effort and when i heard what she say, i felt upset...it really hurts, haiz...

something i feel sad bout is we used to be quite close until she left church and i got more n more involved in church, having to go bs and meet members in the past...and now we are just normal friends i guess...her good friends are moon and huisi whom she always mention when i am with her...i have been thinking...i have a lot of friends...some are very close to me...but suddenly we aren't that close now...i meant those in church, understand they have rise up and move on, so their circle of friends change too...haiz..dunno what i saying le...will stop here..hope today will be a good day



Red Apple for Snow White
Monday, May 11, 2009

Perrine aka snow white, dun say i din give u apple...haha...here is an apple for you, will give u a real one on sun...haha



1st weekend with N351

Friday was my 1st cg meeting with N351,met Selena at Bishan MRT Station, I was late cause ended work late, by the time I reach, Sarah and Chrsitine was already there, Edward and the rest were late, when Selena ask where they are, Edward replied in Jerusalem,haha, they were still in orchard so the 4 of us head down to Trudy’s house first and saw Joanne along the way. Was a bit overwhelmed in the first cg cause a lot people, most of them with Chinese name, have a hard time remembering their names even till now. God, help me. I intro myself a bit in English a bit in Chinese, same goes for testimony, haha. The first few lines I share in Chinese then I switch back English. Haha, when I speak mandarin, I spoke really slow sia.hee. Joanne preach a very good word and I was once again reminded of my dream to be a missionary to China. We ended at 10pm, then we had our refreshments, haiz, going to put on weight.haha. My cg bought a gift for me, it’s a cup that have the word grace and peace if I din remember wrongly. Joanne announce on fri that for service ytd we would go for Chinese church.

Yesterday I met Selena 8am for breakfast then we waited for the shuttle bus to bring us to Chinese church, 1st time sleep till so late on a Sunday, haha. Ytd in Chinese church there was a special guest appearance, 陈孟奇 Tan Meng Qi Hagen. He is the one who sang the theme song for 大喜事, he also wrote the song for Guo Mei Mei – Bu Yao Pai, he wrote a song specially for his mum and sang to her on stage, his mum shared testimony of how they came to Christ, when Meng Qi sang the 世上只有妈妈好, tears flow down my eyes, its very touching. Pst Tan preach about the relationship series which we had in English service, ytd was the wrap up for the relatioship series in Chinese. After service, we went for fellowship, the members who turn up today was more than fri, wow, a hard time remembering their name. Haiz. Joanne knew that I seldom drink water de, so she bought honey for me, thanks Joanne, that is really nice of you.

Yesterday after fellowship I went to paya lebar to meet val and zhi yun to eat “smelly beancurd”, then we went this fast food call Arnold’s fried chicken at city plaza where zhi yun’s friend is working and he treat us, we were so full then I really force the food into my mouth, wanted to vomit, then we met val’s friend for a drink before heading back to cck to play badminton cause zhi yun wanted to play, I played for a while and I was really bad at it, val took over and they had a great time. I was sitting there listening to the songs played from val’s hp, I cried, then they asked me what happened, I just say nothing, a lot have happened and I just suddenly break down ytd, we stayed at the playground, I wanted to go home at 11.30 so I can take the last bus, then in the end we saw this very cute dog and play with her, she keep ignoring us, haha. In the end I went home at 12, already no money still need spent $$ on cab, haiz. Must guai guai go home next time then wun waste so much money le.

Went home chat with Perrine and she comforted me as I share with her. Thanks Gal for always being there



Last day in N317!
Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Sat was my last cg in N317, I was really upset when I heard the news, though I was always jokingly told Minghui I was to transfer cg, I never once meant it. When I heard it for the first time, I cried. Last Monday was hard for me, as I was showering, I kept crying. I was really really tired, 9 yrs in church, Joanne is going to be my 9th cgl. It is not easy for me to share with leaders my past, esp those darkest moments. I begin to share with Minghui only 2 months ago and now I am changing cg. I shared with Minghui cause I knew I needed help in that area. I know that changes can be good, we can move on and grow even more, but I am just too tired. Tired of changing and changing and changing. Though I had change cg so many times, this time I cried the most.

Sat during cg, during worship, tears kept flowing down my cheeks, I could not control them. I am also fearful of going to Joanne’s cg, I dunno why but there is this fear in me. I will miss N317, though I am not very close with every member but we shared our sad and happy moments together. We laugh together, suan each other together, eat together, fellowship and shared with each other. We had come together as one, prayed together, fast together, play together, had fun together.

Minghui: for the times I have given u trouble, sorry for that. But you have been a great leader, one who is willing to lay down your life for the members. Thanks for not giving up on me and kept on believing in me, I would not have come back without you being so persistent. Thanks for always challenging me and reminding me my calling, even when I seem not to have the faith, you still had the faith and believe in me. Thanks for all the discipleship though not a lot, but they definitely are fierce, haha. Thanks for your love and time. We must continue to meet up to have jap food together ya, with ah lian and Belinda too.haha. Minghui, I will bring what I have learnt in N317 to my new cg, and be helping Joanne with the cg.

Gwen: Thanks for being my best friend in the cg, thanks for the times you lend me your ears to listen even though you are very tired. Thanks for all the fun, laughter we had together, thanks for believing in me too. Thanks for always been there when I need someone. I m so gonna miss you when I go over to the next cg. Must meet up often ya. Continue to help minghui in the cg and may you rise up as a cgl soon.

Aaron: thanks for always been so willing to serve and always willing to share with me what you go through, I hope I have given good advises that help you. Continue to grow in the Lord and help Lucas in the new cg ya, anything you can still call or drop me a msg. Thanks for always being more anxious than me finding a bf, haha. Dun worry, I am sure God will give me a good husband who can take care of me. And I am sure He will give you a new girlfriend too.

Hansheng: Will miss taking the train with you and hear you talking about your canoeing. Thanks for always encouraging me to run and exercise. Jia you in your walk with God ya and rise up to be a connect group leader soon.

Huiwen: Thanks for always being so encouraging and I enjoyed the times we chat over the phone though not a lot of times, but they were long calls. Hope to see you be a connect group leader soon ya, must help Minghui in the cg and continue to prepare good refreshments. You have always prepared refreshments without complaining even if last min no one can help you buy the food, and the times you always take pictures of yourself. Haha. Keep in touch.

Jane: even as you move on to Lucas cg, do help him out in the cg ya, continue to grow in the Lord and do even more things for Him, I have really seen you grow over the past 1.5 yrs, continue to do greater things for God

Jasmine: you are a strong gal, even got parental objection, you still insist on coming to church and having to go out so early on Sundays just to come for service and you always bring so many friends, I was really encouraged by what you did, jia you gal, and will be praying for your breakthrough

Ian: haven know you for long time but think you are a cute and nice guy, hope to see u more in church.hehe

Justine: even as you move on to Jared’s cg, continue to bring the DNA of N317 over, that is our noisiness and cheerfulness, you can continue to call me anytime you want. Haha, now our cg is on Friday, maybe we can go out on Saturdays together. Yeah. Continue to grow in the Lord and shine for Him in TP.

Valerie: my beloved daughter, haha, thanks for all the presents and the treats, you are always such a giving person, continue to grow in the Lord ya, must jia you in your walk with God and share with your new connect group leader or even Minghui, you can still call me ya, we still can pray together, go out together. Thanks for everything gal, for the friendship or should I say daughter-ship.haha. see you around more ya.

Vera: Hey gal, have also seen u grow for the past one yr, must take care ya. Hope to see u more around in church, will miss u so much

IN CONCLUSION, N317, I WILL MISS EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU, MINGHUI, THANKS FOR YOUR LOVE AND TIME AND EFFORT AND FAITH, I WILL DEFINITELY MISS YOU. DUN FORGET TO TELL ME WHEN YOU ARE HAVING A BABY YA, AND REMEMBER TO SAVE A DAY FOR ME TO CELEBRATE YOUR BDAY YA. I LOVE EVERYONE IN N317!

Have adjusted my mood to go over to N351, yesterday Selena met me up for dinner, it was really nice of her to sacrifice her time and meet me despite her busy schedule, she is really someone who is full of love for our members, she is willing to spent almost everyday to tutor our members. she is 26 this yr and Yong Wei is also older than me, finally i am in a cg with more people older than me, haha. Hmmm, we have a great chat yesterday and i was sharing with her bout the china friends i know recently-Jade, Natalie, Vivian, Free and April. we had a great time yesterday and it helps, when i go for cg on Fri, i wun feel so awkward. though there is still fear in me, but i going to put faith in God. Hope i will have a great time in my 1st meeting on friday. it is not that bad, that time when i go N317, i only know Minghui, but now going to N351, at least now i know Joanne, Trudy, Yong Wei, Moses. somemore Xiaolu and Joe are in my usher section. and now i know Selena, guess things wun be so bad when i go for the cg.hee


The 4 of us leaving using our figure to spell "N317"

Valerie(My daughter) & I

Jade and Natalie who specially came down for cg knowing its my last cg with N317

My beloved cgl and me

N317

Its still us

The 4 who are leaving with our beloved cgl

Huiwen gave us donuts and letters :)





"You are the light of the world. let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."
Matthew 5:14,16

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